X Men

If you think this entry is going to be a blistering account of a former relationship, you are going to be disappointed.  But, it will be just as entertaining, I promise.  I came across someone from my past yesterday with disturbing results.  First, though, a history lesson:

January 2006.  I was a recently separated emotional wreck working as a caseworker in Memphis.  I had yet to lose all my secure relationship weight and I did well to drag myself out of bed each day.  Basically, I was a hot mess.  My husband moved out and I was saddled with a gigantic house (and gigantic house payment) that still had unpacked moving boxes in every room.  I would barely respond to my own name, much less a come on.  Standing outside on a smoke break one afternoon, I encountered Harry (not his real name, for reasons you will soon see).  Harry was a delivery driver who visited my workplace 2-3 times weekly.  I had nodded at Harry in passing before, but in my newlywedded bliss, I don't think I ever even made eye contact.  Harry struck up a conversation with me, and I played along as best as I could.  I continued to play along for the next couple of weeks, each time I encountered Harry.  Pretty soon, my coworkers were ribbing me about my "new man".  I had no interest in getting a "new man", as I still wanted the "old man" back.  I learned that Harry was married, unhappily; however, this made no difference to me.  After a few weeks, Harry began stopping by my office and we were bantering like old pals.  Harry flirted with me and I let him.  Parts of my sunny personality were beginning to seep through whenever Harry showed up on the scene, and this did not go unnoticed.  My husband eventually found his way back home and I began to wear my wedding band again.  One day, shortly after the husband's return home, Harry stopped by my office and we chatted for a minute.  It was only after his departure that I noticed that I had been holding my wedding band clad hand under my desk the whole time.  Harry and I were both on the "Fixing to Go Through The Big D" team and I didn't want him to think that I was off the team.  The marriage reconcilliation didn't last long and I began applying lipstick when I heard Harry's truck pull up outside ( Pavlovian response ).  After it became apparent that my marriage was officially in the toilet, I began to see Harry in a new light.  The flirting became more overt and soon Harry was actually sitting down in my office rather than hanging by the door.  Harry was merely a distraction to me, but his presence did me a world of good.  He was the kick in the ass I needed to care about my appearance again (you're welcome, Ann Taylor Loft) and to see that there could be a life after a bitter divorce.  It was a fun and beneficial diversion.  Harry and I never went past having lunch together and an occasional phone call.  Harry was still married and living with his wife, and being the victim of infidelity, I had no interest in harboring a cheating husband. 

May 2006.  Thanks to the huge confidence boost from Harry, I tossed my hat into the dating ring and met someone who I was crazy about.  After a couple of dates, we were inseperable and I soon had his mug posted all over my office.  I had a new light in my eyes and a new bounciness that was a welcome, albeit unfamiliar, change from my usual morose personality.  I wasn't that gung ho on life after my honeymoon!  Harry noticed the change as well, and also all the pictures of my new man.  It became slightly awkward between Harry and I after Harry expressed regret that he missed his chance.  The next few months passed with dwindling visits and calls from Harry.  Not that I really noticed, I was so wrapped up in the Best Boyfriend Ever that I likely wouldn't have noticed an A bomb exploding in my living room.  I resigned from my job in favor of taking a job close to BBE and never got to say good bye to Harry.  As Harry and I resided in the same small town just outside of Memphis, I figured I would run into him at some point.  And then, I promptly forgot about Harry.

September 2008.  After returning to the small town after a year of making a go of it (it being living together) with BBE (yeah, that kind of sucked), I wondered about Harry and wondered if he still lived in the same place.  And then, I promptly forgot about Harry.

Yesterday.  Perusing Facebook, I noticed a familiar face on my friend suggestion list.  HARRY!!  I looked at his page and learned that he had divorced, but was listed as "in a relationship" with a Stephanie.  I honestly thought, "Good for Harry" as I clicked the add friend button.  Isn't it ironic (truly ironic, not Alanis Morrisette ironic...black fly on a glass of white wine is contrast, not ironic) how our paths cross again, when I am basically right back in the same place I was 4 years ago.  I received an almost immediate message back from Harry which said, "Who is this? Storm".  Storm. Storm?  Did Harry join the X-Men since I last saw him? Sensing that this was about to become a train wreck but being unable to resist the urge to create a little drama, I replied with something to the effect of "Um, yeah, sorry, I thought this was Harry's page, but obviously I am mistaken. Have a nice day."  Not 30 seconds passed when I received Harry/Storm's reply.  It said, "I am his girlfriend. Storm"  Umkay.  So, I explained myself and said that I had known Harry a few years ago and simply wanted to catch up with him.  Storm replied that she would let him know that I friended him.  Really?  REALLY?  Not long after, I received confirmation that I had indeed been welcomed into the closely guarded fortress.  But what's the point now?  I already know how life turned out for Harry.

So, what's the deal?  How is it that the jealous hysterical crazy bitches nab the fairly good guys?  I am assuming that Harry was a good guy; however, he did carry on with me while he was still married.  But still, Harry was a nice guy who didn't seem to have ill intent.  I hate that he was able to get out of an unhappy marriage only to be castrated.  It is really disheartening for this boundary respecting gal to see someone break all the rules and claim the reward.  I would rather digest my dog's toenails than request my man's facebook/email/cell phone password.  Who freaking does that?? Storm does.  Storm.  I can't let that go.  If your real name is Stephanie, then Steph, Steffie, or even Annie would be appropriate.  Storm tells me so much.  I bet that is a pretty accurate account of her disposition though.  Do what I say or I will cloud up and rain all over you.  I checked out Storm's profile, and felt a little sorry for her.  She isn't cute.  She doesn't even fit Stephanie.  She looks more like a Melissa to me.  No offense to Melissas.  Who gives themself a moniker like that???  It is like she wants people to be afraid of her. 

Every time I encounter sad facts of life like this one, I shake my head.  I once went through a man's wallet to check for evidence to support my suspicion and it was a week before I got up the nerve to confront him with it.  Not because of the actual finding and probable fallout, but because I had stooped to a new low.  I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall yesterday when Harry got home from work. 

Storm: Hey, you better have remembered to pick up my tampons and red bull on your way home and, by the way, who is this girl?
Harry: Yes, I got them right here, and also picked up a raw steak for you (stands back and throws the bloody meat towards her gaping mouth).  I used to know her when I worked for Noname Delivery Company. 
Storm: (picking the bits of raw meat from her fangs) Damn right you used to know her.  Good thing you gave me access to your facebook.  I can see that I am going to have to monitor this situation closely.  I took the liberty of adding her for you, but I by God better not see any communication between ya'll, you got that?
Harry: Yes.  Thank you so much for coming into my life, Storm.  I am so glad you are here to help me with decisions such as this.  Here's the list of all the women I spoke to today, just as you requested.
Storm: Good, now get in there and fix me some tater tots.

Is there room in the world for women such as myself, who would prefer to relate to men as equals, not as things to be controlled?  I am fairly certain that someone cheated on Storm.  And now, Storm is not going to let that happen again.  Storm believes that she has complete control of the universe and can somehow intervene in every situation to keep her man.  Poor Storm.  Some day she will have to face the sad reality that there is no way she can be everywhere all the time.  All her thunder and lightening can't seal up every crack.  Conversely, all the freedom and trust in the world isn't going to deter a man who is down to cheat.  Storm and I are obviously in the same boat, both wishing to ward off the harsh reality of taking risks in relationships.  Weather is not a force to be reckoned with, and being on a boat in the middle of a storm is a very bad place to be.   Good luck to Harry, hope he remembered to pack his life jacket. 

And now you know why I changed his name, to protect both the guilty and the innocent (whichever he may be).  It is sunny and there isn't a cloud in sight here, and I prefer to keep it that way.