Leap of Faith

I should be putting on my professional attire right about now.  Getting my resume and notes together.  Gulping down the last of the coffee and rushing out the door to my job interview.  Only, I am still in my gown, leisurely sipping my coffee, and firing off yet another missive on the job hunt fail.  See, I had an interview scheduled, but I called and cancelled it yesterday.  Seems counterproductive, I know.  I took a leap of faith yesterday and in doing so, managed to salvage some of my dignity.  I probably managed to extend my unemploment a while longer in doing so, as well, but so be it.  I had my reasons.

The ad in the paper stated "Hiring entry level AND EXPERIENCED case managers".  Alrighty, that's me.  So, I sent in my resume to the outpatient mental health office and awaited a call.  Sure enough, the call came a few days later.  It came the day after a promising interview at another agency, and I was tempted to just not answer the call.  But, having been burned by putting all my eggs in one basket before, I decided to pursue it.  The HR person basically conducted a mini interview with me right over the phone.  Then, the bomb.  Turns out, they aren't really hiring experienced case managers, as the ad stated.  How it works is that they hire you and then you wait for a better position to open up.  They promote from within.  He tells me this like this is supposed to make me happy.  Mr. HR then asks me about salary expectations.  I throw out a figure, a FAIR figure.  A figure lower than I would expect in Memphis.  He calmly explains to me that there is no way they can meet that expectation, and then tells me the starting salary (why ask me, if you already have a carved in stone salary??).  You might want to put down your coffee before reading the next statement.

The starting salary for a position requiring a Bachelors degree is $21,000.  

That would be annually.  I felt I needed to clarify that, because I needed for him to clarify that.  But wait! They do increase this salary by $500 for each year of experience!  So, I inform him that I have 13 years experience.  Even with this GENEROUS bonus, I likely still couldn't keep the lights on, but it would be almost to the ball park.  I hear furious adding machine (ADDING MACHINE?) noises in the background and Mr. HR informs me that they would have to cap that at $4000.  So,

The starting salary for a position requiring a Bachelors degree and 13 years experience is $25000.

Well, it is more than unemployment, I suppose.  My parents would kill me for turning down a job, any job, that came along.  I would never hear the end of "you should have taken that job at so and so, you are ruining our retirement!"  So, with that in mind, and because I had no other firm offers on the table, I agreed to an interview.  I felt like I needed a shower after hanging up. 

In the meantime, I had two more positive interviews at the agency I really wanted to work for.  Truth be known, I would have likely accepted the above mentioned salary at the preferred agency, just for the job satisfaction.  Preferred agency assured me that I would hear something from them by mid week.  I was just as good as hired, according to an inside source.  So, technically, mid week starts on a Tuesday; therefore, Tuesday morning I got up and glued my phone to my side.  No call.  Wednesday, officially mid week, came and went without a call.  Late Wednesday afternoon, the agency offering the lowest pay ever phoned, to make sure I really wanted to interview for the job.  Because I was starting to feel insecure about the "sure thing" job that I now wasn't so sure about, I confirmed that I would indeed still interview for the job.  Only now, Mr. HR had started backsliding on his offer of 25K maximum.  It somehow had dwindled back down to 21K and any more than that would have to be approved by some sort of executive board.  Really? REALLY?   By Thursday, I had pretty much decided that my favored job had somehow slipped through my hands. 

As I laid out in the sun Thursday, I thought about how on Earth I was going to make it on such a small paycheck.  In preparation for the long haul of unemployment, I cut unnecessary expenses to the bone.  I couldn't cut anything else except myself...and I wasn't too far from taking that up.  I began to think about something that a close friend and mentor told me six months ago, when I found out about the impending job loss.  She was so confident in saying that I wouldn't be unemployed for long and that the job I would end up with would be exactly what I was looking for.  PHFFFT.  Easy for her to say, she wasn't about to lose her job.  Maybe it was the heat from the sun, but I began to feel the searing heat of anger set in.  The more I thought about taking the last 13 years of my life and flushing it down the toilet to start over at an insulting salary, the madder I got.  All those nights bringing work home...for nothing.  All those sleepless nights worrying about some job issue...for nothing.  All that teeth gritting and smiling when I really wanted to cuss...for naught.  Where does this agency get off anyway?  How are you going to advertise for experience and then offer entry level?   They can offer this kind of pay because there are still people who will take it.  Sure, if I was fresh out of school and living in my parent's basement, the salary might not be as painful.  But what would I have to offer in terms of insight or maturity to my clients?  My friend/mentor encouraged me, months ago, not to settle just because I got scared.  She encouraged me to have faith.  Faith in what?? God? Myself? The Universe?  I was broiling by the time I worked my way around to that memory.  Have faith.  Was fate/God/my resume really going to be so generous in sending a great job my way if I pass up opportunities?  Well, you know what?  I don't think I could have been any more scared if Ted Bundy had appeared there on my patio (or disgusted maybe).  I was ready to say "Uncle".  This was it.  This was the moment of truth.  How sure of myself and fate was I?

I was so sure that there HAD to be something better around the corner that I picked up the phone and dialed up Lowball Inc.  I informed Mr. HR (nicely...after all, I'm not a bridge burner) that I was going to cancel our interview at 9 the next morning because I had decided to go in a different direction.  A different direction, ha ha ha.  That's corporate-speak for "I don't want you".  And, I didn't want them.  Hanging up the phone, I prayed I hadn't made a grave error in judgement; but I instantly felt better.  I felt like I got those 13 years back.  Yay, I am once again experienced!  I decided to start anew on Friday (today) and crank out those online applications with a new ferver.  After submitting a couple, and stating my very reasonable salary expectation, I noticed that the time was drawing near to the time I should have been sitting across from someone's metal desk in a non descript office staring at motivational posters and justifying every single year of experience so as to get as many "bonus" increases as possible.  That is when I decided to log in to blogger and post.  Feeling glad that I actually took a leap of faith, regardless of the outcome, I poured another cup of coffee and started typing.  Somewhere between "start anew on Friday (today)" and "After submitting a couple" my phone rang.  The number registered as the agency I was holding out for but had all but given up on.

I GOT THE JOB!!!

And with that, folks, I am now an EMPLOYED leaper...