Get Out of Jail Free

Dearick Stokes should have done great things.  He should have played the lottery.  He should have played an instrument.  He should have written a book.  Obviously, good fortune smiles on him.  Unfortunately, Dearick Stokes chose a different path and had to watch his good luck unfold in the most impossible situations, ultimately having no benefit because Dearick Stokes is clearly too dumb to realize when fortune taps him on the shoulder. 

Dearick Stokes killed a man during a robbery attempt.  This Febuary, he was found guilty and while appearing before the judge to await his fate (life sentence), he needed to pee.  He was granted a bathroom break, and then SWEET FREEDOM.  Walked right out of the courthouse and into the brisk cold air.  Did Dearick walk a few blocks away to the bus station? No.  Did he disappear into the North Memphis brush to hide until hatching a better plan?  No.  Did Dearick Stokes catch a ride out of town? No.  He caught a ride to Hickory Hill.  I guess Hickory Hill was safe?  The police would never think to look there.  I guess Dearick had a point, they were lax enough to fall for the age old "I gotta go to the bathroom" trick.  But, clearly, he had no well thought out plan.  A smart plan would have included hanging out in the U of M law school parking garage.  Judging from the rash of car break-ins, there are no police hanging out there; plus there are lawyers in training ready to "change the world".  Dearick obviously lacked that Johnny-on-the-spot quick thinking necessary to make a clean break.  A few days later, the police found him and back to 201 Poplar he went.

Last week, fortune smiled again on Dearick Stokes.  What has been called a "glitch" by the local media led to Dearick being granted his freedom AGAIN.  Here's the glitch:  Either Sheriff Luttrell hired an all new staff and that day was their first day and no one recognized Dearick's face; or everyone had their eyes gouged out that morning.  Maybe it was Take Your Daughters To Work Day, but only if by daughter you mean mouth breathing I'm-Just-Here-For-My-Paycheck slow on the uptake jailers.  Dearick Stokes had a domestic violence charge pending against him and the State of Tennessee dropped it, figuring why beat a dead horse.  Once this charge was dropped, Dearick's computerized slate was wiped clean and he was free to go.  Did no one question this??  How's he going to be a locked up murderer waiting for transfer on a Wednesday and then a victim of some random misunderstanding the next day??  So, this time, he didn't even have to hatch a plan.  He was shown the door.

Did he catch a bus out of town? No.  Did he catch a ride west? No.  He checked into the Relax Inn on South Third.  Memphis is a large city, but it ain't that large.  Dearick's mug has been plastered all over the news for months.  Nice IDENTIFIABLE grill, by the way.  I bet you could hear a resounding DOH! in the vicinity of Poplar and North 3rd.  Almost one week later, they found him in a motel ON THE SAME STREET.  I am unsure who gets the award here.  Dearick was relaxing at the inn, with a stash of insulin (for his diabetuhs), while his father and brother were being picked up for aiding a fugitive.  In an interview with the news media, Dearick's father explained that he thought they changed their minds and realized he wasn't guilty. "He's been saying he didn't do it", he rationalized.  Really?  REALLY? Because that is how it works?  Dearick's brother finally ratted him out, after having the misfortune of walking right into 201 Poplar to complain about the harrassment.  Seems he didn't realize there was a warrant out for him.  Fate smiles on one brother and frowns on another, but dumbassery isn't selective.

Perhaps it is better that Dearick Stokes remains locked up.  When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade.  Life handed Dearick Stokes lemons, eggs, a pie crust, eagle brand milk, a preheated oven and sugar; and you know what he made with it?  A puddle of yellow gloop on the sidewalk.  Someone so obviously lacking in intelligence is best kept from good fortune.  But, what becomes of the group of people who are equally lacking in cranial fortitude?  From the Sheriff down to the freedom granting jailer, who will be held accountable?  What, exactly, is standing between my safety and Bruce Tuck's accidental freedom?  At this point, I wouldn't trust Mark Luttrell himself to hold the key.  "We have Dearick Stokes in custody," Sheriff Mark Luttrell said near the motel Wednesday night. "The amount of work that went into this was just remarkable." 

It most certainly was.