Monday, September 13, 2010

Meanness Overload

This weekend, I visited my mother. She lives in Hardin County, in a small community known as Crump, TN. We had no plans for the weekend, but I noticed that the county fair was going on, so I suggested we go over to Savannah for some good old fashioned county fair fun. And, candy apples. So, away we went. And thus began my education of just how different people are the farther away from the metropolis you get.

First of all, we were charged $5 each to enter. Normally, this would not be an issue, but was the fair even open? No rides were going. There was no music. I'm used to at least the blaring rock music from the Himalayan ride, complete with the redneck barker (DO YOU WANNA GO FASTER?). Nothing. Even the brightly colored fried everything food stand was empty. A tumbleweed swept by. This was the makings for a bad horror flick. Mom and I headed over to the "exhibit hall".

The first thing on display that I noticed upon entering the exhibit hall was a man holding a large white cat like a baby. And, the cat was allowing this. The second thing I noticed was this:


Dude was proud of his girth, too. I bet he beams with pride when someone calls him "Big John". He is probably the high school football coach.


Anyway, on to the real exhibits.



And really, what is a good ol fashioned county fair without a Jesus table? I, myself, prefer to balance out my fun and gluttony with a reminder of eternal damnation and hellfire.




I see someone in Hardin County has a sense of humor. And, perhaps a sense of irony, as this was next to the Table O' Jesus. But, that may be pushing it.


I'm starting to notice a theme here. His cap said "Security". Guess he was in charge of guarding the funnel cakes.


Big Orange was a common site. I told a friend that it looked like Neyland Stadium puked all over the fair. I'm no Vols fan, but the licensing committee really should have better control over who dons their logo. This is not exactly a good representation. But, it is typical.


A new twist on the old "business in the front, party in the back" mullet joke. Only, the front went out of business. The front is closed. These men have some sort of deep seated need to prove their hair growing virility. Yeah, I can't grow anything up top, but look at this mane that I have cultivated below my ears!


In the end, it was all worth it though.

I can justify my exploitation of these folks. There was not a friendly face in the crowd. It is my nature to smile at strangers, I don't know why, because the commentary ticker in my head is usually ripping them to shreds, but either way; I gave these folks a chance to redeem themselves. I smiled at each one of them, and was met with half open mouth breathing and vacant eyes. I never thought I would say this, but I missed the friendliness of metro living. It is funny to me that the consensus in these parts is that Memphis is a terrifying place that one should never venture outside of a church trip to the Picadilly. I found their surroundings equally scary.