Petition The Universe

I am currently reading "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert.  This book is awesome in a way that only a handful of other books can be.  Without sounding new age or fanatical, I do want to say that this book is life changing and profound.  Elizabeth Gilbert paints a face on emotions that all too often go unnamed, such as Depression, Loneliness, and Melancholy.  But, what is so great about her story is that while she paints a vivid picture of these spirit killing stalkers (if you read it, you know why I chose that word!), each story leaves me warm.  Not warm in a Nicholas Sparks (ugh) kind of way, but warm in a There's Hope For Me Yet kind of way.  It has shifted my focus from why not ME to why NOT me. Let me tell you, my focus has rarely been challenged. 

At the beginning of her journey, while stilled mired down in the depths of lowness that only an ugly divorce can bring, she is on a publicity tour, riding along in a car with a close friend (a running shoe--see earlier entry #2--someday I will figure out how to link).  This part struck me at first because I have been through a nasty divorce, with the same feelings of uncertainty and unhinging.  At first glance, I thought to myself, "Phffffft, if I was on my way to promote the book I wrote that was PUBLISHED, the last thing on my mind would be the bastard I was divorcing."  But, then I remembered.  Divorce is like cancer that has metastasized.  It's black fingers poke every aspect of life, no matter how far removed from the source.  Think brain cancer with toe mets.  Anyway, I went back and reread this passage.  She is lamenting to her friend about how much she wishes this divorce drama would just go away.  Her friend asks her if she has petitioned the universe for what she wants?  HUH?  Elizabeth, like me, thought it was far more noble and just for her NOT to ask the universe (God, Fate, Higher Power, Autumn, whatever) for what she wants...just for the strength to get through what she gets.  Her friend explains to her that there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for precisely what she wants.  She is just as much part of the universe as everyone else and just as deserving.  After a little encouragement, Elizabeth composes her petition.  She prays for a quick end to the roiling drama of her bitter divorce.  After reading it to her friend, they then discuss who would sign it.  Pretty soon, the two women are adding names to this petition of people who would be happy to see the suffering end.  The list grows quickly.  Feeling empowered by the assumed goodwill of her close circle, Elizabeth soon begins to include supporters reaching as far away as the afterlife.  As bad as she was feeling, I found this entry hilarious.  She let her mind wander and let go of her misery for a moment.  Jim Henson signed her petition.  St Francis of Assisi signed it.  Michael J Fox just signed it.  And, why wouldn't they?  I guarantee you that if she had actually thrust her petition for peace in the face of anyone (save her estranged husband and his attorney), they would have signed it.  My first instict was, yeah...but that's her. 

I thought about how the idea that I wasn't supposed to ask/petition God for what I wanted formed.  I used to pray for these things all the time.  Please, God, let me pass that test.  Please, God, make that guy ask me out. Please, God, let me get my period.  But two things put an end to all that asking.  I had a Sunday school teacher when I was eleven who was well meaning, but it was apparent that she thought all children should still be dressed in bonnets and stumbling down the grassy hillside.  One Sunday, she gave a lesson on wasting God's time.  She explained to us that little prayers like the ones I prayed on an hourly basis were SELFISH.  Selfish prayers wasted God's time.  By asking for a good grade, I was taking God's attention away from a cancer patient praying for a cure.  And, did I really want to be burdened with that kind of guilt?  No.  So, although I didn't stop my selfish prayers, I did feel an extreme amount of guilt whenever I prayed them.  Mission accomplished, I suppose. 

The second thing actually did stop this practice.  After a breakup with what I now refer to as a minor boyfriend (in significance...not age), I was moping around for weeks.  One day, Terri, my best college friend, loaded me into her mustang convertible (who could be depressed in that car??) for a trip to WalMart.  I clicked my seat belt and let out a long sigh.  Terri turned to me and said, "You know, one time Noel and I broke up.  I was so distraught that I finally just prayed to God not to bring Noel back, but to give me the strength to get through it.  If we weren't supposed to be together, then please make it less painful, you know?  So, instead of wishing ya'll would get back together, you should wish for the recovery to be as painless as possible."  For whatever reason, what she said at that moment made a world of sense to me.  And thus began my practice of praying for as little pain as possible. 

The unintended result of this was my quickness to walk away from everything.  I never again wished for something to work out to my advantage, figuring that was SELFISH and likely to fall on deaf ears.  If God saw that I was simply only praying for pain tolerance, maybe he would be more likely to listen.  But you know, that hasn't really worked so well.  Also began my practice to pray for other people, as opposed to myself.  I figured this would boost my credibility as well.  Again, denying what I really wanted the universe to deliver to me in favor of just accepting what was dumped at my door.  The irony is that I got exactly what I asked for all along...I got crap dumped at my door.  How much time have I wasted asking for that???

WELL ENOUGH OF THAT.  After reading her passage, I put the book down and grabbed my pen.  I wrote out my petition.  What I asked for is irrelevant, at this point.  But, I made sure I was as detailed and specific as I could be. I didn't once mention, "but, if this isn't meant to be...then please make it as painless as possible".  Nope.  If it isn't meant to be, I won't get it and I will just have to think up something else to request.  And yes, I also compiled a list of people that I felt certain would sign my petition.  Who wouldn't want me to have what would make me happy?  My universe shifted as I thought of my fellow man as benevolent, not withholding.  I even added Elvis, for good measure.  I feel sure that if he were alive, Elvis would want me to have what I wanted.

After completing and filing her petition, Elizabeth took a nap.  She awoke to her cell phone ringing.  It was her lawyer.  A settlement had finally been reached.  It was over.  I'm sold.