Became A Fan

I do facebook.  Or, I have facebook.  Or, I look at facebook.  Either way, I visit facebook at least once every two hours, every day.  I like to keep my finger on the pulse of what is going on.  Who is now in a relationship?  Who is no longer in a relationship?  Who changed their profile lately?  Who added photos to the album "Me looking like an ass pony"?  Has anyone tried to contact me?  Is the boy who sat behind me in 6th grade math on Facebook yet?  Did someone throw a sheep at me?  What's for lunch at The Bald Butcher?? These are pressing issues for me.   

Sometimes, I log on to find that nothing has changed in the last couple of hours.  This saddens me.  It is then that I find myself looking at fan pages.  You know these....Herman became a fan of "I lick my contacts in a pinch".  Some of these fan pages are actually funny, so I join them...never to visit the page again.  Some things I am a fan of:  "Texting the Person Next To You Stuff You Can't Say Out Loud", "God Still Loves Me Even If I Don't Forward Those Text Messages", and "When I Was Little, I Watched Raindrops on the Window to See Which One 'Won'".  This morning, I was perusing some friends of friends of friends pages and came across another one, "I say 'Yeah, I Got It', Just So The Teacher Will Go Away".  I did this all the time.  Still do.  Someone tried to teach me how to use my gas fireplace last weekend and I said I understood just so that we could get up off the floor.  Next time it gets cold, I'm going to be in trouble. 

I thought about these fan pages this morning.  Who comes up with this stuff?  This stuff that we like to think is unique to each of us?  I always feel a certain "Damnit, I thought I was the only one" pang when I come across a good one.  So, after some contemplation, I have decided to add my unique situations here (too lazy to start a group on facebook).  These are things that I am fairly sure are unique to me.  Things that, if I met someone who also does these things, I would likely have to kill him/her because obviously he/she is my evil twin.  Enjoy!

Kelly became a fan of:

When I Was Little, I Drew Pictures of Naked People on the Underside of My Parent's Kitchen Table, and I Turned Out Ok.

When the Book I Want is in at the Library, I silently yell "SCORE" to myself. 

When I am Tired of Chatting, I Sometimes Close Out the Window and Later Blame it on "Damn Windows Vista".

I Don't Eat Discolored Potato Chips.

I Think Some Flowers Smell Like Fart.

I Fake Yawn When There Is a Lull in the Conversation.

I Stop Singing Along With the Radio When I Get Stopped at a Red Light.

At Open Casket Funerals, I Feel an Overwhelming Desire to Touch the Dead Person.

I Always Find Waldo, But I Have Yet to 'See' the Magic Eye Picture.

I Was a Grown Ass Woman Before I Got Up the Nerve to Watch the "Thriller" Video.

When The Light Turns Green, I Gun The Engine So That I Can 'Beat' My 'Opponent' Next to Me.


I Feel Guilty If I Pray While Half Listening to the TV and Then Lose My Train of Thought. 

I Sometimes Imagine My Dog Performing Human Acts While I am at Work (Making Hot Cocoa, Making The Bed, Reading My Books).

I Feel Superior to People When I Notice Blackheads, Cracked Heels, or a Wonky Fingernail.

It Blows My Mind When I Think About a Song and it Comes on the Radio Soon After.

So, there you have it, Gentle Readers.  A glimpse into my secret world.  Hope you enjoyed your stay there.  Feel free to add to this list in the form of a comment.