Five Things

After a conversation with a friend yesterday, I thought a lot about positivity.  Currently, I am lacking this.  Without boring you, gentle reader, with all that is wrong with "the way things are"; I will sum it up to say: Life, right now, is shit.  Yeah yeah yeah, I have my health.  Right.  So, I said to my friend, "I just have to remain positive, because if I let bitterness take over my heart, I won't be open to the good things coming my way".  This made perfect sense at the exact moment that I said it.  And then, the next 36 hours consisted of a series of events that I can only deem "Ways God is Trying to Make Sure That I Am Earnest".  Tonight, after a furious marathon housecleaning session, I am relaxing on my couch watching "Frances" (an excellent 1982 film which should have won Jessica Lange an Oscar, but alas even Jessica Lange has bad days).  I am trying to put the last crap filled several hours out of my mind, and replace the blackness with sunny optimism.  (sheepish laughter) To facilitate this process, I will now list 5 things to be happy about RIGHT NOW. Not next week, not 2 years ago, not when I get a job, or start school, or anything not centered in NOW. 

1.  Harriet. This basically goes without saying, but that small, stinky, fuzzy dog makes me so goddamned happy that I could rub her fur off.  I swear that she knows what the deal is.  She winks at me occassionally (people have trouble believing this, but this is the same dog who transported a Route 44 size slushy up into her chair without spilling a drop) as if to say, "Screw those haters, turn on that electric blanket and let's watch this season of Nip/Tuck all in one sitting!"  Harriet came out of a bad circumstance, but she has made lemons into lemonade more times than minute maid.  If I am broke, heartbroken, sick, broke, unemployed, broke (guess what I am currently preoccupied with), I can still make raspberries on Harriet's pink tummy and infuriate her, which in turn, delights me.

2.  My car is now in good shape.  It was serviced recently.  Now it is safe and reliable again.

3.  I have a lot of bottles of bubble bath stowed away. 

4.  My butt is rock hard thanks to all the aerobics.

5.  My bangs are at an acceptable length.

Alrighty, there you have it.  Weird thing happened yesterday.  I was sitting on the couch (notice a theme here?) feeling so sorry for myself.  I was having a halfhearted conversation with God about my misery.  I requested a reprieve from this misery (what I meant was God, please send me a good job or a winning lottery ticket because I don't want to be broke this summer.) and I got EXACTLY what I asked for.  I was arrested from this downward spiral by frantic knocking at my door.  All Hell broke loose in the house, Harriet commenced to summoning the dead with her ear splitting Jack Russell barking.  I stowed her away and answered the door to confront the jackass who had interrupted my pity party.  There stood a lady with a large bag.  She was from the Neilsen Ratings (note: if they choose you, you can't shake them. Ever).  She wanted to know if I had changed my mind about not allowing them to attach 1978 CB radio looking things to each of my televisions to monitor what I watch.  I confirmed that I had INDEED not changed my mind (long story short...I paid too much for this house and worked too hard fixing it up to have shit cluttering it up).  She then hands me the bag and says, "Well, I have to give you this gift anyway, so enjoy!" and with that she was gone and I was dumbfounded.  The bag contained a fancy gift box with a glass bottle coke (!!), a huge bag of Kettle Corn, a HUGE Hershey bar (!!!), and a cute candy dish.  I sat it on my kitchen counter and just stood there staring at it.  And then it hit me.  I just experienced divine intervention.  I asked for a reprieve, I got a reprieve.  A break in the misery.  Nothing more, nothing less.  And let me tell you, it is impossible to be miserable 3 squares into a GIGANTIC Hershey bar.