Emergency Chute and PA System

Most days, I would give just about anything for a PA system and an Emergency chute, a la Steve Slater. Mr. Slater, a former Jetblue flight attendant, reached his limit on Monday. You can read about it here:
http://blogs.wsj.com/metropolis/2010/08/09/fed-up-flight-attendant-pops-planes-emergency-chute-at-jfk-slides-away/
I feel this man's pain. Though I have never considered how beneficial props would be, I feel fairly certain that I could do some real damage with a PA system.

"Good afternoon, Bitches, and thanks again for choosing Jetblue. It has not been a pleasure to serve you today, as some of you got on my last fecking nerve. Let's give the passenger in seat 19D a round of applause, as he actually managed to knock the shoulder of every passenger in 18 rows with his large duffel; because after all, he really is the only one on the plane. The lady in the back, Ms. I Don't Know How to Modulate My Voice, we all hope you find your bracelet and we are all sorry that you didn't enjoy Cabo to it's fullest extent due to your stomach virus. Those passengers who did not opt for a shower before heading to the airport...being closed up in this tube with your funky asses for the last 90 minutes has been a little slice of heaven. Would the chic with all the Bohemian garb please stand up? Yes, you there, you boarded in Memphis dear; not Bali. What's with all the beads? As if your exposed armpits weren't bad enough, frankly, your feet should be enclosed in shoes; as they are a hot mess. To the passenger in seat 17F...thanks for jeopardizing all of our lives by lying when I asked you if you would be able to open the emergency exit. Quit playing, you couldn't fight your way out of a paper bag. You can't even breathe with your mouth closed. And finally, Jetblue wishes to extend a heartfelt Buh Bye to The Most Obnoxious Parents Ever. Your kids have snot running out they nose and you spent 5 minutes trying to negotiate their favorite purple drank from the beverage cart. Their screaming and whining only served to add to the ambience. Wherever it is that ya'll are going, please either stay there forever, or drive home. Now, I would like to take this opportunity to say Go To Hell you self indulgent pieces of shit. Most of you should not be allowed to fly the friendly skies, as ya'll have the manners of cloven hooved animals (and thanks to your blown out flip flops, I see you have the cloven hooves to match). They have Hertz for people like you and it won't do nearly as much damage to your maxed out Capital One as this ticket did.
Now, where is that damn Chute release button? Oh, there it is! Feck all of ya'll!"

And with that, I would slide my way to freedom and a book deal.