A Friend for All Seasons

I have this friend....

Spring: The birth of a friendship. New and green, Tina was my first real best friend. She mistakenly called me "Robin" on the first day of 7th grade and I corrected her, and she later told me that I hurt her feelings because my correction was "snobby". She wore jellies. She had blue nail polish on her toes (1986). She had a crunchy perm. We were fast friends. Tina was the most careful and cautious person I had even seen. She made good grades, she did her homework...on the bus, she talked me out of many many parental ass whoopings, she was nice to everyone, and she always welcomed me back when we would fuss. We became special guest stars on each other's school bus, so much so that her bus driver assumed that Tina's parents had joint custody of me. We danced, we sang, we laughed and we spent the year of 1987 laying the foundation for a lifetime of ambitious friendship.

Summer: Sunshine and free time. We spent summer nights painting our toes, sleeping on the porch, sneaking cigarettes, doing our own version of karaoke (just sing louder than the music and it drowns out the 'real' singer). We spent summer days analyzing "The Young and The Restless" (and bitching about the Iran Contra hearings that interrupted our daily bread), hanging out at the racist city pool (Colored Free til 93), riding bikes to find some sort of trouble to get into, perusing the latest offerings of Natural Wonder makeup at Eckerd Drugs, making our own sunscreen (baby oil and iodine), and sneaking cigarettes. Life was fun and without care. It really seemed to be an endless summer. Our friendship survived junior high, and most of high school. Our paths forked at some point, literally. Walking into the double doors of our high school, I hung a left towards the "academic hall" for my college prep courses. Tina hung a right to attend her classes on the "vocational hall". While I read Dickens and Chaucer, Tina learned to type and sew. I never understood this, as Tina was a straight A student with an aptitude for math...both things that I lacked. I later figured out that parental encouragement, or lack thereof, goes a long way in determining one's destiny. While I had a lot of pressure at home to advance and further myself, Tina's parents encouraged her to fly under the radar until she could graduate and secure her destined position at the local textile mill. The best she could aspire to was an office position, in said mill. It was good enough for them; therefore, it was good enough for her. I now understand that Tina's parents were not bad parents, just anti-global. They were actually very good parents, to the both of us. Stoic, Salt-of-the-Earth, loving parents who simply believed that the world ended at the county line. I went to college, Tina hit the vocational jackpot and took a job in a DOCTOR'S OFFICE. She would write me letters, and fold them up in neat little origami formations, just to keep me in the loop. We would still hang out sometimes, on my breaks, and for a minute...it was 1987 again. Our friendship became a perennial flower, dormant then blooming periodically. Reactivation was simple, even after months of little to no contact, only requiring a phone call.

Fall: Things die. It was during a period of bloom that I realized we may have built our ambitious friendship foundation out of sand. On a summer day, I was home from college, and we met for lunch. As usual, I was low on cash. Tina whipped out her designer wallet and paid. As we sat down, she begins to brag about her recent promotion which leads into a faux humble "confession" of her new salary. It was more money than I had made collectively in my entire life. I gave the requisite congratulations and tried to change the subject. At the time, I was employed as a part time camp counselor who justified my ridiculous paycheck with the resume building opportunity. Tina would not be discouraged though. She knew my hourly wage, as it was common knowledge that the United Way wasn't going to make anyone rich. Using her superior math skills, she quickly calculated and in a loud and boisterous voice exclaimed that she earns the amount of my weekly paycheck before lunch each day. The only defense that I had was that I was in school. It was then that Tina informed me that she was glad she didn't get caught up in going to college, that she found success without a degree, and that she hired a recent college graduate to do her filing. Basically, college does not pay; but being a boastful bitch did. I couldn't help but notice all the other things that Tina lorded over me. She married her high school sweetheart, the first guy that came along; and standing in the church vestibule, she told me that she couldn't believe that she had settled down and had it all together and I was still a floundering mess, no marriage prospects in sight. We were 21 years old. I was the one who always had a boyfriend and she was the tag-along; but on this day, she enjoyed the irony of the turnabout. By the time I got married, she was pregnant. I endured the tsk tsk tsk's when my marriage failed, as Tina's tally of our success compeition moved her several steps ahead while I returned to the starting line. Degree and decree in hand, I moved 500 miles away and didn't leave my forwarding address. There were times over the years that followed that Tina would magically reappear. She could always learn my whereabouts by contacting my mother. And we would have an indian summer. Phone calls to catch up, isolated blooms, then...back to brown and crunchy. The occasion of our 15 year high school reunion blew in the cold winter air.

Winter: Cold and dead. We spoke maybe once a year in the decade that followed my move. Tina had another child (move ahead 5 spaces!) She and her husband purchased a nice big home and furnished it with all the latest Home Interiors decor. Tina invested in gastric bypass surgery and lost 100 pounds ("Now your jeans would fall off me! Weeeeeeeee!) She got another promotion, then another, and now she basically ruled the universe. I had a new address every year because I couldn't settle down. I moved in and subsequently married my next ex-husband (back to starting line). I remained in the $35k a year bracket thanks to my liberal arts degree. I had a cat. By the time the reunion came around, I felt settled enough to attend. My formerly plump, vibrant, and healthy friend's appearance was shocking. The surgery had definitely rid her of all her weight issues, but it also robbed her of her good hair, her skin tone, her energy, and her modesty. I did not recognize this dull and skinny bleach blond in the inappropriate dress. My face did not register my thoughts, and really I was glad to see her after all those years. She showed off her luxury SUV, her thinness, her happy long marriage, and her wads of cash. I showed off my ability to suck it up and smile. A few months later, I receive a cryptic email, a request for a safe harbor while she "gets away from it all" for a little while. There was something fishy. She wanted to come stay with me for a period of two weeks, which coincided with Christmas Day. And, she would not take no for an answer. Bordering on rude, I made it clear to her that it was inappropriate to hole up in someone's home for that long during the holidays, especially when she has kids at home. The cold snap of winter had arrived, I just had no idea how frigid it could get. In the marathon phone calls that followed this weirdness, Tina revealed that she had been a) fired from her job, b)filed for bankruptcy, c)developed a nasty drinking habit, d)lost her husband to Jesus, e)developed an affinity for amphetamines, and f)missed me soooo much! Uh..... It took me a long time, but I had finally learned the very tough lesson to not invite drama into my life. I listened while she laid all this drama out, all the while still making digs at my seemingly unsettled existence ("I just wish you could get married for real"). I advised her that a) she could find a new job, maybe go back to school [guess that useless college degree would have come in handy now], b) bankruptcy isn't the end of the world [although I wouldn't know, I somehow managed to avoid it by just remaining broke], c) wine at 9am is not normal and there are groups for that, d) Jesus is tough competition, e) ordering pills off the internet is illegal and dangerous and f) I missed her too, and hoped that she would be able to work it all out [without bringing it to Tennessee]. After avoiding a few more weird self-invitations and finally sending an email to end all emails, the lines of communication were cut. What in the Hell happened to my friend?? Who was this crazy bitch??

Fast forward 4 years. Another failed relationship for me. Another job. Another address. But more stability and security than I had ever known. Maybe even a little boring, but after wild ride of my 20's and early 30's...boring is excellent. I had heard through the grapevine that Tina had asked about me and expressed her regret that I had never had a family or found someone to marry. What a sad life I must lead. This, of course, inflamed me and cemented my resolve to leave the past in the past where Tina is concerned.

Yesterday, I arrived home from work and pulled the usual bills and magazines out of my mailbox, when an aqua colored envelope fell into my lap. I knew the handwriting immediately. That bubbular scribbling had informed me of many important developments during my adolescence. I sat in the car and read the note. It started with "I need to talk to you ASAP". What followed was a desperate and cryptic couple of paragraphs about the changes she is going through (never mentioning them, just alluding...to ensure my call) and how she needs to talk to me. I surmised that it was either illness or divorce. Nothing could have prepared me for what it actually was.

The more she talked, the worse it got. And just when I thought it couldn't get worse, it did. And, it was scattered like Waffle House hashbrowns. She would start one thought and never get back to it. She would abruptly end one sentence and move on to an unrelated topic ("So, I'm staying here with mama n'em and...I bought a pack of Virginia Slims cigarettes last week"). Wait...what? Here is a rundown in run-on sentence format:

Her husband filed for divorce so he could be with the woman he is dating, but this won't relieve them of the massive debt they owe to the IRS for not paying their income taxes for three years on his lawn business, but hopefully the pharmacy records that his attorney ordered won't show the years of multiple uppers and downers that helped her cope with the foreclosure of their home thanks to "the Obama deal" that helped them buy more name brand appliances and skip their mortgage payment for 20 months; however if they do, maybe they will also show the pepcid ac that her doctor prescribed for the bleeding ulcer that has incapacitated her and prevents her from working, which is fine because the State of Georgia is now buying her groceries and pills because she was let go from her job (another job) which is really no big deal because she knows someone who got a 4 year degree from the University of Phoenix in 2.5 years so when she gets her home phone turned back on she will see about getting that degree because there really isn't much work involved in getting a college education, just playing on the internet; therefore, she can be a good role model to her kids and can support the out of work construction worker with a back injury that she met in the doctor's office waiting room as he dodges the (wrongfully! mmmm-hmmm) child molestation charges that he is currently fighting, and hopefully, with said degree, she can get legitimate health insurance so that she won't feel so ashamed when she fills her script for the "happy pills" that her doctor supplies her with...you know...to cope with her stable life.

It took 3 plus hours for all of this to tumble out. She finally asked me how things were going with me. I was too tired to get into it...so I just said:

"Oh you know, the usual...I was laid off from the hospital but found another job quickly, broke up with J and purchased my own house, met a great guy last year and am dating him, basically...just leading my boring little life."

I was ready to get off the phone with this fool. I admit, when I got the letter, there was a strong tug on my heart. She was my best friend for a long time. We spent our formative years together. We pledged to always "be there" for each other no matter what. But no amount of immature yearbook scribblings could obligate me to join her on her downward rapid spiral to rock bottom. Being a cushion is not my strong point, never was, and she is clearly not ready for the dose of reality that was on the tip of my tongue. If I had any doubts, this cleared it up for me:

After offering her reassurance that divorce, although sucky, was not the end of the world, she informs me that she never thought she would be "one of those kinds of people." She had moved her peg so far ahead of mine that I lost sight of her. The trip back to Start is going to be a long one, I really hope she packed her winter coat.

I had this friend...