Facebook Misuse

Currently, I am listening to a news broadcast about the new privacy measures on Facebook.  Again?  Why must we keep revisiting this?  Am I the only person who understands that if you don't want to put your information out there, don't use social media?!  It's true, some people don't understand how Facebook works.  The whole concept of Facebook is putting your shit out there, no?  If you want to keep your information to yourself, get a datebook, or a diary.  I equate this with shameless media whoring followed by pissing and moaning about lack of privacy (sideways glance at you, Jon and Kate).  Conversely, since Facebook has become the Burger King of social media, I would like to suggest a change to make it more convenient for moi; since really, that is what it's all about anyway.  I would like for Facebook to take measures to protect me from other people's information.  I am mature and educated enough to understand that if I don't want anyone to know things about me, I won't broadcast them on the internet.  But what about the daily barage of useless and often cringe inducing tidbits that hog valuable screen space?  I have identified 7 types of Facebook users that I would like to be protected from:

1.  "I Thought Facebook Was a Computerized Dayrunner"
We all know this person.  Our friend.  Or not, maybe just the girl that sat behind us in 11th grade American History.  She missed the memo on what Facebook is meant for.  It is a catch-up tool.  It replaces the chintzy holiday "Here Is What We Have Been Up To" letter.  It virtually makes high school reunions irrelevant.  I am all about the highlights, just give me the run-down and we can be done.  I do not need a play by play of your morning.  For Example:
     CLUELESS McCLUELESS:  Just put breakfast in the oven, getting ready to work out, then will mow the yard and shower. After that, will prepare lunch and watch television.  After television is over, will log into facebook to check for comments on my exciting routine.

STOP IT!!!!  I do not care.  Yes, I realize I could "hide" these boring ass updates from my feed, but if I did that, my feed would be depressingly empty and alas, I would have nothing to make fun of. 

2.  "I Use Facebook to Concoct a Faux Fab Life In The Hopes That Others Will Envy Me"
Hello, Liar. 
     I will use the previous example, only faux fabbed up:
     LIAR McLIAR:  Prepared sumptuous poppy seed kiwi shallot quiche with Rachel Ray, now on my way to extreme frisbee and then bistro style lunch on the patio with my favorite person.  Watching a riveting social commentary later and then attending a social networking meet and greet.

Wow. Can I be you?  What the above status doesn't mention is that Rachel Ray was on the tv, the extreme frisbee is something that is going on as he drives through Shelby Farms in an effort to escape his boredom, and the social commentary is a "Friends" marathon on TBS, all prior to logging back into Facebook to see who's jealous. 

This is the sole reason I became of Facebook fan of:  Reading someone's status and thinking 'oh shut the hell up'

3.  "I Believe Everything I Hear"
This needs no introduction.
     CHICKEN LITTLE:  Hey Everybody, Facebook is about to start charging $14.95 a month to steal your toilet paper and give you Herpes.  If you don't want this, go to options and click No Herpes, change your setting to I'm A Doofus, and hit Kill Me.  Please repost!

Look, I bought into the Donate Hair to Stop The Gulf Oil Spill effort; but at least that was based in reality.  Some people do not deserve internet service.

4.  "I Use Facebook To Send Passive Aggressive Messages to My Frenemies"
Like a dance off, only using Facebook.
     GHOST POKER: Some people need to get a life.

Yes, I totally agree.  I wonder if the some people got the message.  Perhaps a more direct email or phone call would have been more efficient.  But, that defeats the purpose of this bogus status update.  GHOST POKER really just wants followers to believe that she is the type of person who tells it like it is...only just not directly.

5.  "My Life Would Be Meaningless Without Apps"
Ok, I admit, I fell under the spell of Farmville.  For a minute.  Then I got my life back.
     FARMER DUMBASS:  Hey guys, I need some corn! Please send me 10,304 coins so that I can buy more corn and thus make my life complete.  Also, my Mafia needs your help.  I am trying to assassinate Cornbread Gangsta and need 5 M-16s in my loot.  Please send me some brass knuckles.  And, if you have time, please support my virtual restaurant by eating the virtual Coq au vin that I virtually prepared. Thanks!

This is virtually pathetic.  FARMER DUMBASS needs to meet up with LIAR McLIAR and get a life...not a mafia. 

6.  "I Was The Only Kid With MTV"
Thanks for wasting feed space:
     BON JOVI'S BITCH:  Hey guys, check out this amazing video that I dug up on Youtube! It rocks!
                                         http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDK9QqIzhwk

Really? Because I have never seen this before?  Wow, now that I have viewed your "discovery", I can now move on with my day...energized by Bon Jovi.  Thanks Asshat. 

7.  "Facebook Enables My Munchausen by Proxy and Malingering"
This bitch and her kids are ALWAYS sick. Always.
     ILL JILL: On our way to the ER with Dalton, for the 6th time today.  So tired of the little guy's nosebleeds.  Unfortunately, my arms aren't working today due to my Fibro-betes and I can't staunch the flow.  Hoping the CTMRICATPET scan shows something awful and little known so that we can continue to milk this for a few more months.

This is quite possibly my least favorite Facebook user, only because she is so easily enabled.  All it takes is one comment from:
     GULLIBLE BETTY: Aw, Jill, I am sooooo sorry girl!  Hope the little one and you feel better soon!  Let me know if y'all need anything; I have no life and am sitting on the ready to rush to your aid so that I can feel like a part of something bigger.

Get some gotdamned counseling people!

Dear Facebook, please deliver me from these people.  Most of them are my friends, and I love them, so help them see the error of their ways.  Look, I know my status updates are not going to inspire a Bravo TV reality show (unless there is a market for a show about a 36 year old woman who is easily annoyed), but I do try.  I acknowledge that I have probably been guilty of each and any of these misuses in my 3 year history; but I pledge to be considerate from now on.  So, while you are protecting me from privacy violations....please also protect me from other's privacy.  Their private matters (daily schedule, delusional disorders, OCD, abandonement issues, and health matters) are getting on my nerves. 

Oh, and one more thing...please, for the love of God and all that is right in the world, please remove the following from Facebook:  up close pics of dirty teeth, dancing cowboys, dancing uneducated mothers, dancing home refinancers, dancing debt consolidators, and finally, sad orphaned virtual animals who need my virtual parenthood.  K, thanks!

Author's note:  If you are reading this blog, and we are Facebook friends, please don't take offense.  You are in my "inner sanctum" and thus immune to my ray-gun of justice.  Unless you, of course, are consistently guilty of these Facebook sins...then, yes, I am talking about you.  Love you! XOXO

A Tale of Two Sons

William Ligui Ionescu...congratulations!!!  You have just been awarded my "World Would Be A Better Place Without You In It" award.  A high honor, I'm sure, for you; because let's face it...coming out on top probably is not a feeling you are used to.  Your rhetoric is so long winded that I can't summon the concentration to sit down and sift through it to find even a nugget of sensical thought.  But, that is the grand design, isn't it?  It is kind of like sitting down to an essay exam in which you write down every single morsel of knowledge that you have gleaned on a subject in hopes of somehow coming close to the target answer.  Only, in your case, you failed miserably. 

I listened to your phone interview and actually chuckled when your picture was shown on my local news station.  Who knew Andrew Cunanan had such polarizing views?  Your BFF Jerry Kane met his fate in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart in West Memphis, Arkansas; alongside his son, Joe.  This was after they murdered two West Memphis police officers and then tucked and ran like the two cowards that they proved to be.  Your friend Jerry's big ass was laid out on the concrete for the world to see and I see this as fitting.  The saying goes, live by the sword, die by the sword.  I only wish a sword had actually been involved.  I found it particularly amusing that you went on and on about Jerry's "boy" and how articulate he was.  Really?  Just because a child can recite passages, that does not make him articulate.  And frankly, have you seen the media pictures of Jerry's "boy"?  The only thing I can say about this social reject is that he truly is Jerry's kid. In terms of intelligence and common sense, both Kane's were obviously lacking.  But that didn't stop them from talking.  And when no one listened, they shouted.  And when no one listened to that, they took desperate measures to be acknowledged.  Without an AK-47 rifle, these were two men in horrible suits and bad haircuts...mouth breathers at best. 

Jerry and Joe Kane were so "hard" that instead of waiting on the next officers to show up on the scene, so that they could calmly explain why the shooting was justified, they simply freaked out and hauled ass.  Wow, what courage!  If they were so right and just in their practice, why the rush?  Let it be right and just that these two genetic fuck ups be the poster children for the "anti-government" movement.  A grossly obese lunatic and his weird ass kid.  The question is asked, "What drove them to shoot two officers and agitate the situation by fleeing?"  I think I may have the answer.  It began long before they set out on their father/son World Domination Tour.  Genius Jerry Kane was a long haul truck driver, a profession known for producing such brilliant reformists such as....such as....um.... Several years ago, his infant daughter was found dead in her crib.  When the hospital, abiding by state law, insisted on performing an autopsy, he snapped.  Without logically following the chain of logic, (infants just don't up and die) he saw this as an opportunity to make something of himself.  So, he ran down to the big and tall (more big than tall) store and purchased the tackiest white suit they had and began ranting about the government.  If you ask me, and I know you didn't...but hey, it's a free country, all that government hating and complaining probably hid something.  He and his nurse wife had a son, Joe, and I bet it was apparent from early on that Joe was a dud.  Joe would never be more than a vehicle.  Jerry Kane bragged about how his son never attended school.  I'm sorry, but this moron is doing nothing for the home school movement.  Later, Jerry decided to show the government who's boss and gave up his CDL.  Truck Stops and Wolf Tee Shirt makers all over America mourned this day.  As a result, dude couldn't pay his house note.  But, apparently,  his grocery bill was right on time.  So, while Henry the VIII sat around stuffing his face, the bank was hammering down foreclosure signs in the front yard.  Somewhere in the mix, his wife died from Pneumonia.  Again, how does a 30-something nurse die from Pneumonia?  Clearly, the government infected her with it, as a plot to take him out.  Anyway, as the grass grew up around his foreclosure sign, Jerry became an expert in foreclosure law.  He conveniently decided that the rules didn't apply to him and that he actually didn't have to pay for his home.  I suppose he believed that he was entitled to a free home?  It was all coming together now.  Jerry Kane had found his niche.  He lost his home, so that made him an expert in how not to lose one's home.  His epiphany was turned into a bogus real estate seminar that he subjected thousands of legitimate home-owners-in-trouble to.  I mean, I never thought to attend one of these seminars...because I pay my bills on time, but what exactly does he do?  Hoist himself up to a podium and tell people to do everything the opposite of him?  Did the dud work the projector?  And, he had to be sponsored in cities to come there and spew his nonsense.  So, someone had to volunteer their spare bedroom to host Dumb and Dumber?  Red Flag!   Life didn't turn out the way Jerry Kane imagined.  And, instead of taking a look at his mistakes and decisions, he took the easy route and blamed the government. 

The laws did not apply to the Kanes.  They were not required to carry a driver's license.  And, if questioned about the lack of a license, instead of giving the calm and rational response that he so believed in, he gave a lot of spittle, threats, and attempts at bribery.  It has been reported that if pulled over, Jerry Kane demanded a cash payment before consenting to a search of his vehicle.  Money doesn't make it just.  Money makes it profitable.  So, Jerry Kane knew precisely how to work the system that he hated so much.  Basically, what it boils down to is Jerry Kane was a fat fuck who didn't get a big enough handout, so he just got fatter and crazier until he burst (with the help of some Crittenden County Deputies).  It doesn't really matter why the West Memphis Police pulled over that raggedy ass van last week.  The lunacy encased in that vehicle had reached a critical level and what's done is done.  Four people dead. 

It never ceases to amaze me the number of people who enjoy the freedoms of this country, yet continue to bite the hand that feeds them.  It is the American process to say what you like, when you like, how you like, and to whomever you like.  But, spewing idiocy and pulling guns are two completely different things.  Jerry Kane is the kid on the playground who lost a round of tetherball and instead of kicking the dirt and rejoining his peers for the next round, he declared tetherball a personal assault on his rights and then slaughtered the other children.  It is easy to be wrong with an automatic weapon by your side.  Only this time, when Jerry lost a round, he received another round, and another, and another...until his rotund body lay lifeless.  A coward until the end. 

As his self proclaimed best friend, you took it upon yourself to request that the West Memphis Police Department finance Jerry and Joe Kane's funeral.  In death, as in life, Jerry Kane was apparently ill prepared to meet his obligations.  And now his bloated body and that of his son's are the responsibility of a government entity, according to you.  In Jerry's life, everything had a price.  He sent a bill to a police department in New Mexico for $100 an hour for each hour he was detained.  That's a rather inflated sense of worth, in my opinion.  Jerry Kane probably consumed more than $100 of resources each hour he was detained.   I would like to suggest an economical option for disposal of these two social misfits.  There is a serious oil leak going on in the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico.  I think Jerry alone can probably plug it up.  That way, he can actually do some good in the world.  Otherwise, Jerry and Joe Kane died for nothing.  Their lives were meaningless and their deaths turned out to be just as devoid of meaning.  Officers Paudert and Evans set into motion a chain of events that rid the world of two DNA skips.  And for that, I will be eternally grateful.

In closing, I would like to take aim at you, Mr. Ionescu.  I see that you, like your friend, are an opportunist.  You wasted no time pimping yourself for interviews.  But, your gig will soon come to a close as people will move on.  You irrelevant commentary will once again fade back into obscurity and you will have to latch on to another time bomb.  Unfortunately for you, the police aren't going to go away.  Neither is the government.  And thank God for that, because I shudder to think of a nation overrun by bottom dwellers such as yourself and your "friends".  West Memphis Police Chief Bob Paudert lost his son as he defended the public from the likes of Jerry Kane.  Jerry Kane lost his son as he defended his megalomaniac father from the world.

Author's Note:  This post is in reference to the recent murders of West Memphis Police Officers Brandon Paudert and Bill Evans.  You can read the story here: Paudert and Evans.  I believe in the freedoms afforded me in the Constitution, but also realize that my rights end where another's begins.  America is the land of the free and home of the brave; but clearly provides harbor to cowards as well.  My condolences to the Evans and Paudert families.  May the Kanes rot in Hell.

It's Flinn, Not Flynt.

The race for Tennessee's 8th Congressional District has sparked the interest of a local popular newspaper columnist.  Actually, not the race itself, but one of the candidates.  Dr. George Flinn is a Republican candidate for this seat.  He is running on a conservative platform and this is where the columnist, Wendi Thomas, takes issue.  Dr. George Flinn is a Radiologist, a County Commissioner, a Radio Mogul, and according to Ms. Thomas....a peddler of filth and smut.  Normally, Wendi and I are on the same page.  After a week of reading the Twitter missives and then today's column, I felt compelled to look into this matter a little further than just my usual "phfffft, whatever."  Wendi Thomas has awarded Dr. George Flinn her "On The Pipe" Award because he owns Hot 107.1 FM and is campaigning on a family values platform. 

Basically, what this boils down to is a conflict in private values and public values.  Clearly, Ms. Thomas likes her politicians honest and transparent.  And, really, who doesn't?  There are arguments on both sides about free enterprise and the dangers of liberal leadership.  I am not a fan of "urban music".  In fact, I don't know that I have ventured that far right on the dial since The Pig left the pen.  I don't have to though.  I already know what's there, because I have eyes.  I have seen the Mo Money Taxes commercials.  I live north of Memphis which means that I have to pass through some of the "urban" areas to get to my destination.  Before moving North, I was one of the last holdouts in my Berclair neighborhood.  I know what the music talks about.  Pimpin, druggin, slappin/clockin, whorin, and hustlin.  Not exactly family values material.  But, not exactly Larry Flynt material either. 

Ms. Thomas phoned Dr. Flinn's campaign headquarters to inquire about how his peddling of smut went along with his conservative values.  She asked if Dr. Flinn would allow his grandchildren to tune into Hot 107.1.  What is the right answer here?  There isn't one.  Which makes it a good question; however, the intent seems to be quote seeking instead of genuine curiosity.  I wonder if Dr. Flinn would let his grandchildren play with all that high dollar x-ray equipment?  Same difference.  Both are means of income for Dr. Flinn.  The message here, at least the message I am getting, is this:  You must align yourself with what you do or else you are smoking crack. If an out of work vegetarian was offered a liveable wage in exchange for peddling beef products, should she refuse it?  How much swiss chard can she feed her kids on $275 of unemployment each week?  Living by one's personal ideals sounds great, but is it really possible in practice?  I advocate on behalf of people with serious mental illnesses.  Would I allow one of my clients to babysit my child?  Hell no.  What if I owned a liquor store?  Would I let my grandchildren select their favorite wines before boarding the school bus?  No.  Say I owned said liquor store (which, by the way, would be an awesome enterprise that I would seek out with my lottery winnings) and I ran for the Tennessee Legislature. I would likely run as a Republican; therefore, could I expect a call from Ms. Thomas asking me if my grandkids prefer Grey Goose to Absolut?  Drinking certainly creates social ills, right?  I would venture to say that alcohol is responsible for far more deaths than "adult urban contemporary" music.  George Flinn's grandkids can operate a radio, I'm fairly certain.  The difference is this:  If someone's grandchildren are getting the message on life's path from a radio station...something else went terribly wrong somewhere down the line. 

Ms. Thomas went on to question the ethics of owning a check cashing business and not supporting predatory lending.  First of all, the "self centered capitalism" that Ms. Thomas equates with conservative value isn't what brought our economy to a screeching halt.  It was the self centered entitlement of this society.  A careless attitude of how your actions affect other communities is her description of conservatism.  What could be more careless than borrowing twice the amount that you can afford so that you could live large for a couple of years only to abandon that "American Dream" when the bill came due?  How about going to college on the government's dime, only to fizzle out after a couple of semesters.  And TENNCARE...that was a great idea.  I'm certain that Dr. Flinn has on more than one occassion aimed his nuclear beam at the insides of a TENNCARE client.  Does that mean he endorses the program?  I doubt it.  Dr. Flinn also owns Radio Ambiente 1030AM, a Spanish language station.  Can we expect to see Dr. Flinn holding the gate open for illegal aliens?  He owns WHBQ, the local radio authority on sports, does that mean he favors steroid use among athletes? 

So, Ms. Thomas takes issue with Dr. Flinn not practicing what he preaches.  How can Dr. Flinn sit on the porch of a country store and talk about family values and clean living when he profits off of the opposite.  It's simple.  Dr. Flinn has a realistic, as opposed to an idealistic, view on how things work.  Clearly, there is a market for "adult urban" music.  Seeing an opportunity and seizing it is what makes America "The Land of Opportunity".  Sitting around and waiting for opportunity to come to you is what America has turned into.  "Urban Music" has it's place in society.  As does tobacco, alcohol, health care, debt, and freedom of speech.  Dr. Flinn is going to play Project Pat because there is a market for it.  It isn't Dr. Flinn's job to raise our children, Ms. Thomas.  If the children tuning in had parents who demonstrated drive, ambition, and morals, they may not be so quick to absorb the teachings of Hot 107.1.  Dr. Flinn isn't robbing anyone, and he isn't being dishonest.  I support free speech, does that mean that I am opposed to decency?  No. What a wonderful world it would be if every person could practice according to their values.  Where "do as I say not as I do" wasn't necessary.  That is a vision, not a reality.  We come from the land where it is hard out here for a pimp.  George Flinn is trying to make it a little harder by lifting up values.  If those same values are torn down by something as simple as a song on a radio station, then I don't blame the song, the artist, the station, or the station owner.  I blame the person who is in charge of instilling the value into the young ears of the listener.  The parent.  Neither government, nor the media, is in the business of raising children.  Ruling out candidates with good ideas based on a 6 degrees of separation look into their affiliations and holdings could have very well cost our President that office. 

With all that said, I have decided to award Ms. Wendi Thomas the first "On The High Horse" award.  I don't take issue with you personally, Wendi, just your logic.  The problem isn't the song, it is the weak ears listening. 

Disclaimer:  I, FormerMeanGirl, do not endorse any candidate for this particular race...as I am still undecided.  However, in the coming months, I will be educating myself about each candidate without regard to party affiliation.  My support of one candidate over all others will be based on the practicality of his ideas and plans and how those align with my day to day functioning.  And, for the record, my favorite radio station is XM 70's, but I do not endorse one night stands, psychedelic drug use, disco dancing, or polyester. 

Get Out of Jail Free

Dearick Stokes should have done great things.  He should have played the lottery.  He should have played an instrument.  He should have written a book.  Obviously, good fortune smiles on him.  Unfortunately, Dearick Stokes chose a different path and had to watch his good luck unfold in the most impossible situations, ultimately having no benefit because Dearick Stokes is clearly too dumb to realize when fortune taps him on the shoulder. 

Dearick Stokes killed a man during a robbery attempt.  This Febuary, he was found guilty and while appearing before the judge to await his fate (life sentence), he needed to pee.  He was granted a bathroom break, and then SWEET FREEDOM.  Walked right out of the courthouse and into the brisk cold air.  Did Dearick walk a few blocks away to the bus station? No.  Did he disappear into the North Memphis brush to hide until hatching a better plan?  No.  Did Dearick Stokes catch a ride out of town? No.  He caught a ride to Hickory Hill.  I guess Hickory Hill was safe?  The police would never think to look there.  I guess Dearick had a point, they were lax enough to fall for the age old "I gotta go to the bathroom" trick.  But, clearly, he had no well thought out plan.  A smart plan would have included hanging out in the U of M law school parking garage.  Judging from the rash of car break-ins, there are no police hanging out there; plus there are lawyers in training ready to "change the world".  Dearick obviously lacked that Johnny-on-the-spot quick thinking necessary to make a clean break.  A few days later, the police found him and back to 201 Poplar he went.

Last week, fortune smiled again on Dearick Stokes.  What has been called a "glitch" by the local media led to Dearick being granted his freedom AGAIN.  Here's the glitch:  Either Sheriff Luttrell hired an all new staff and that day was their first day and no one recognized Dearick's face; or everyone had their eyes gouged out that morning.  Maybe it was Take Your Daughters To Work Day, but only if by daughter you mean mouth breathing I'm-Just-Here-For-My-Paycheck slow on the uptake jailers.  Dearick Stokes had a domestic violence charge pending against him and the State of Tennessee dropped it, figuring why beat a dead horse.  Once this charge was dropped, Dearick's computerized slate was wiped clean and he was free to go.  Did no one question this??  How's he going to be a locked up murderer waiting for transfer on a Wednesday and then a victim of some random misunderstanding the next day??  So, this time, he didn't even have to hatch a plan.  He was shown the door.

Did he catch a bus out of town? No.  Did he catch a ride west? No.  He checked into the Relax Inn on South Third.  Memphis is a large city, but it ain't that large.  Dearick's mug has been plastered all over the news for months.  Nice IDENTIFIABLE grill, by the way.  I bet you could hear a resounding DOH! in the vicinity of Poplar and North 3rd.  Almost one week later, they found him in a motel ON THE SAME STREET.  I am unsure who gets the award here.  Dearick was relaxing at the inn, with a stash of insulin (for his diabetuhs), while his father and brother were being picked up for aiding a fugitive.  In an interview with the news media, Dearick's father explained that he thought they changed their minds and realized he wasn't guilty. "He's been saying he didn't do it", he rationalized.  Really?  REALLY? Because that is how it works?  Dearick's brother finally ratted him out, after having the misfortune of walking right into 201 Poplar to complain about the harrassment.  Seems he didn't realize there was a warrant out for him.  Fate smiles on one brother and frowns on another, but dumbassery isn't selective.

Perhaps it is better that Dearick Stokes remains locked up.  When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade.  Life handed Dearick Stokes lemons, eggs, a pie crust, eagle brand milk, a preheated oven and sugar; and you know what he made with it?  A puddle of yellow gloop on the sidewalk.  Someone so obviously lacking in intelligence is best kept from good fortune.  But, what becomes of the group of people who are equally lacking in cranial fortitude?  From the Sheriff down to the freedom granting jailer, who will be held accountable?  What, exactly, is standing between my safety and Bruce Tuck's accidental freedom?  At this point, I wouldn't trust Mark Luttrell himself to hold the key.  "We have Dearick Stokes in custody," Sheriff Mark Luttrell said near the motel Wednesday night. "The amount of work that went into this was just remarkable." 

It most certainly was.