Monday, June 18, 2012

White Lace and Promises

So, it appears that a rework of this blog is necessary.  And here's why...

I got married.  And everything has changed.  

Two weeks ago, I was making preparations for my annual birthday extravaganza (which basically consists of a vacation plus presents...what could be better?).  I cleaned my house and sat down to enjoy my cute little clean home when I had the following train of thought:

I love my house.  I know someday I will have to move, because I love Jim and I love Memphis, but today I really love living here.  I have been here for four years this year, I haven't lived in one place that long since I left home for college.  I sure hate moving.  Hopefully, I will get a refinance when I get back from vacation and can stay here a while longer.  I decorated this whole house, by myself and I love it.  There are some changes coming up, grad school, probably a new car.  But for now, I want things to stay exactly as they are.  I like my life exactly the way it is right now.  

Jim and I made our pilgrimage to St Pete Beach.  I knew he had my birthday present with him on the trip.  I expected a beach float or something fun, because he was insistent on the present being presented while we were at the beach.  I am normally sharp as a tack, but I missed this one by a mile.  So, I donned my decidedly unsexy one piece and frumpy cover-up and didn't even fix my hair as we went out to enjoy the gulf waters upon arrival.  It was so nice to be back in my favorite place on Earth.  We swam, we floated, we looked for shells.  As we sat down in our beach chairs to settle in for sunset, I remembered..."Hey! I'm supposed to get a present!!!"  I reminded Jim of the agreement.  We're at the beach...let's have it.  So after receiving instructions to close my eyes, I hear some rumbling around and jingling.  My initial thought was, a necklace? Where am I going to wear a necklace down here? This could have been just as special at home.  Keys? Did he get me a car??? That is going to be complicated.  Keys to his house? That's nice, I guess.  Then, I was told to hold out my hands.  Ok, this is bordering on some sort of trick.  See...this is the very reason I don't like surprises.  I expect bad surprises.  If he puts some sort of snot filled sea creature in my hand I will use it to teach him a lesson.  I didn't know how wide to hold my hands, still kind of expecting some sort of super duper flotation device.  I felt him place something in my hand and was instructed to open my eyes.  And then, that's when everything changed.

Sitting in my hand was a seashell (sans snot filling).  Inside the shell was a diamond ring.  A large diamond ring.  I looked at it in disbelief.  I looked at Jim and he asked me to marry him.  Right there.  In my favorite place on Earth.  No cajoling.  No hinting.  No browbeating.  Like it was the most natural thing ever.  And for me, saying "YES!!!!!" was the most natural thing ever.  Of course!!  We giggled about how he was able to pull it off, surprising me...the unsurprisable.  We discussed a timeline.  He didn't want to wait long.  I was on the fence, as reality set in...OMG I HAVE A MILLION THINGS I NEED TO DO.  We tabled it for a while and just enjoyed saying "Fiance" with obnoxious accents.  

A couple of days later, we were having a more serious discussion about when to get married.  Both of us have been married before, so there was no need for any sort of extravaganza.  Maybe around Christmas...I will be off work for a couple of weeks.  Maybe in the Fall, we could go somewhere for a weekend.  We tabled it for a while, not really coming to any sort of conclusion.  We had discussed maybe just doing it while we were in Florida, the night he gave me the ring, but I nixed that immediately because I can't just run off and get married.  There are a million things that I have to take care of before hitching myself to someone.  I own a home.  I have a car that doesn't work more often than it does.  I have some debt.  I've gained some weight.  I cut all my hair off recently.  I am in transition with my job, with no clear idea of what my schedule is going to be.  As we sat on the beach, time seemed to halt and I was granted another gift.  The gift of clarity.  I saw myself and what was happening without a filter.  I was putting off change...again.  What I have always wanted was sitting right here next to me and a door was standing wide open and here I was again, hesitating.  And then I remembered.  Hesitation only brings me grief.  I was being offered the best life ever, and here I was doing the same dance that I knew so well.  Minding the trees and forgetting about the forest.  Operating on the belief that I was in complete and total control of everything in the universe.  Jim would have waited as long as I deemed necessary for me to get the comfort that I had taken care of everything in my life in order to get married.  What Jim didn't know was I would never achieve that comfort.  Also, it isn't comfort at all, it is fear.  And that fear has strangled me for decades.  When I met Jim, I tossed caution to the wind and suppressed a lot of that fear and here we are...so why am I inviting my old enemy into this awesome event?  And with that...I informed Jim that there was a courthouse in Pinellas County.  Right there, on the beach, with sandy fingers...I swiped and poked my iphone into giving us the basic information we needed to set a date.  For the next day.  And hilarity ensued.

We set out to obtain wedding bands that evening.  I was a little nervous because we needed to be able to go in and walk out with rings, no time for sizing.  We found a mall, a wealth of jewelry stores, and visited Zales. No dice.  We didn't want anything fancy, just plain bands...for under $100 each.  Last time I got married, these were easily obtained.  Last time I got married the price of gold was in the gutter.  The needle nose bat at Zales showed us every ring they had in the $300 to $600 section.  I felt judged.  This bitch had no idea.  We didn't just fucking meet.  It is just that when you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want it to start immediately.  Yeah, I totally just lifted that from "When Harry Met Sally".  Anyway, we left there and headed down to JC Penney.  I thought I remembered that they have a fine jewelry department.  They do; however, they have no staff in that department.  We stood around, basically waving money around, and no one noticed.  So we left.  As we walked, we came upon an Arab jewelry store.  Shalimar.  I couldn't decide if I should make a reference to "Dancing In the Sheets" Shalimar or the suffocating fragrance of the 80's Shalimar.  No need, we were too distracted by the "50% off!!!" signs.  We were promptly served by Borat.  Borat showed us some nice bands which were arranged by size, which was good seeing as how Zales only had rings for anorexics.  Still, even with the half off deal, the rings were expensive.  So, I leveled with Borat.  "Look, we are doing this quick and we really just need something for the ceremony.  Could we see those rings over there?"  By that I meant...we don't even need real gold, we would be just as happy with something silver, or even stainless steel.  It makes no difference.  Borat got it.  He understood.  We needed cheap.  And quick.  We walked out of the store with our bands, and came in WAY under our agreed upon ring budget.  We justified it by saying we would buy nicer bands for an anniversary.  We both knew that we would likely wear these bitches until the day we die.  So, we had our ID's, we had our rings, we had everything necessary to marry in the state of Florida.  We didn't need the rings, but I required them to give our union legitimacy.  

The next morning, we got up to begin our wedding day.  Luckily, I had packed a white sundress.  I never dreamed it would be my wedding dress, I just thought it was a nice dress to show off my tan.  Not that wearing white was a big deal, let's be realistic here...  But, it was nicer than the Target beach coverups that I brought.  Jim wore a nice shirt, shorts, and flip flops.  We went to the Pinellas County Courthouse in Saint Petersburg and took a number.  When our number was called, we were seated at a cubicle which contained the driest public servant ever.  He was not nearly as excited and happy as we were.  Sign here, take this oath, sign here, pay this, and go into the room down the hall for the "ceremony".  God, what I would give to have a video of what played out in that little room.  First of all, he called us "James" and "Robyn".  Technically speaking, those are our names, but that was like the most formal versions of ourselves were getting married.  So, Jim corrected him.  He looked at us as though we were fraudulent grifters, and then shrugged and said, "Look, I'll call you whatever you want."  REALLY?  I was so tempted to test that by telling him to call me "Niles Standish" Yes Yes? YES YES? So then, Public Officiant says, "Usually people just stand and face each other, or whatever, I guess."  Jim and I had been standing side by side, as though we were hoping to be weeded out of a police line-up.  Public Officiant began the "ceremony" and asked if we had rings.  After determining that we did, he said, "I guess just do with the rings whatever..."  So, with that forceful directive, we began again.  He invites Jim to take his vow and as he begins, Jim cuts him off with "I DO."  But wait....there's more....  Jim basically agreed to marry me, but his pre-emptive I DO cut out the part about sickness, health, have, hold, richer, poorer, etc.  And this cracked us up.  So, we began again.  I was not without guffaw though.  I slid Jim's ring on his finger back when Public Officiant said, "do whatever".  So, when it was my turn, I had to take Jim's ring off and put it back on.  Kind of like when my mom flubs the picture of me blowing out birthday candles and makes me reenact the blowing out of the candles with already blown out candles...for picture purposes.  And then, we were done.  We were married.  Jim and I had opted for the $10 wedding photo to commemorate our experience, so Public Officiant went to get the camera.  He came back in with what appeared to be a crime scene camera.  Visions of Jody Foster and the first victim dredged from the river came to mind.  I felt like I should apply Vick's Salve.  He snapped the unflattering picture and went off to develop it and certify our union.  We were ushered back out to the waiting room with all the other derelicts.  Although completely devoid of personality, our officiant was very efficient.  The whole thing took less than 30 minutes.  Afterward, we dined on Reuben sandwiches at the Lucky Dill Deli and giggled about our experience.  I called my parents.  My mom was excited and wondered if it had rained, which is per usual.  She is both obsessed with weather and whether or not my happiness was dampened by anything.  My dad stated, "Goddamn, that didn't take long."  Oh but it did....it took me 20 years, Dad.  Twenty years of doing the wrong thing at the wrong time before I finally found happiness.  Sappiness aside, that was his way of saying "Congratulations."  He quickly changed the subject and told me about the weather at home.  My parents enjoy weather and discussions about weather.    Jim and I spent the remainder of our vacation soaking up the sun and eating scallops.  

We got home and things felt different.  I was married now.  I had things I needed to take care of.  My comfy little life had been blown to bits, in exchange for an even better life.  But that better life would require some adjustment.  And the sale of my home.  And a lengthy commute to work.  And stress.  How to make it all work.  There I go again...

So, back to my point...the new direction for the blog.  I ran off and got married.  I didn't spend months making lists and flowcharts trying to predict every little snag.  I used to do impulsive things on the regular.  Somewhere along the way, I stopped doing that.  I had forgotten that generally, when I toss things up and see where they land, they usually land in greener pastures; with very little list making.  So, I am back on that path.  There are things I have to do and this blog will (hopefully) document my experience of reconciling my old life with my new life.  And...all I can do is hope that 

hilarity ensues.

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